We had began the hike with a group of about 20 people, but before long we all got separated so it was just 4 of us. After my light had burnt out I had to rely on Ricky. Every few steps he would shine his light back towards me to make sure I didn't step wrong on a rock and go tumbling into the darkness. It was hard relying on someone else for my own safety.Not being in control just added to my fears.
At one point the trail we were on began going down the mountain when we knew we were suppose to be going up. The other guy that was with us found an "alternative" route and so we followed him. Before I knew it, I was scaling what seemed to be an 80 degree cliff. I clung to whatever vegetation I could to pull myself up to safety(on the way down we discovered it was a dry waterfall bed). Finally, we reached our destination. We still had some time before the sun rose and so we huddled together in a little shack, in the freezing cold, waiting. I could not wait to get myself off of that mountain. The second I saw the sun rise I took a few moments and enjoyed the beauty that was before me. It was an amazing sight and for a split second I was glad I had made this trip--but then reality set in again and then I booked it down the mountain, leaving everyone else in the dust. I wanted this ordeal to be over and the easiest solution to that was to get down as fast as possible. I practically ran. When I reached the bottom, a good hour before anyone else. I just sat there, so happy to finally be done, to finally not be in danger.
If I had known what I was getting into before I had done it, I know I would have never found myself on that mountain. It was the best thing for me to do that hike in the dark, to not see the dangers that lay to the side of me. Sometimes I think it is best we dont see the whole picture. Its best to leave some things in the dark.
I have been asked before if I would ever like to know the day I was going to die, and it always seemed like a tough decision. On one hand if you knew, you could make sure you did everything you wanted to do before you died, and not have any regrets, but on the other hand, you would live each day with that knowledge looming over you that that day was one less that you got to live. If we see everything before us, all the details laid out, life would be different. We would take less risks because we could see the dangers and the potential failures. Yes, that hike was difficult, more on my mind than anything else, but if I had not done it, I would have missed out on that magnificent sunrise, and the feeling of accomplishment and gratitude for my life that I had when I was sitting in that parking lot waiting for everyone else to come down off the mountain.
Some of the best moments in my life have come in times when I have done something risky, something scary, things that if I had known what it would be like before I had done it, I probably would not have even attempted it. In these moments I have truly felt alive. They make me realize that to have the life I want, I need to feel this way more often.
In the day to day life that most of us lead I feel like we become numb. We do the same thing day in and day out. People think I am weird but one of my favorite feelings in the world is being sore. Feeling sore makes me feel alive. Every movement makes me feel like I am doing something--being something--just like wanting to be pinched when you think you are dreaming--that pain, that discomfort, that break from monotony reminds you that you are there and that you are alive.
As cliche as it is, we need to live each day to the fullest--take risks--feel alive. We need to be sore more often.
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