One of my biggest fears was the train bridge. Simply walking across it scared me half to death. It ran across a ravine with a creek at the bottom of it. Emily, being the daredevil that she is, always laughed at how scared I was. She and her friends had no problem at all just running across it, climbing atop it, and repelling from it.
When I went home for Em's graduation, one night Em and Steve decided they wanted to repel off the bridge. I wanted so bad to take a big risk, I wanted to feel alive, so I told her I would do it too. She laughed and said I would back out once I got there.
When we got to the bridge, Em and Holden set up the ropes and went first. They did it with such ease. I sat there watching them, clinging to the railing. At one point Steve barely touched me and I freaked out. Steve went, and then it was my turn. I got strapped into my harness and tried to psyche myself up.
To do this you have to climb over the edge of the bridge and get your feet onto a very small platform. At that point you have to switch ropes, from the one that was holding you to the bridge to the one that allows you to repel down. Holden got me strapped in and ready to go. I thought getting onto the platform was the hard part but I was wrong. You have to lower yourself with the rope so that your feet are still on the platform and your head is level with your feet. Once you are to this point you have to drop you feet from the platform and hope that as you swing towards the bridge, you went far enough so that you don't hit your head on the platform. I sat in this position for what seemed like an eternity. I was shaking.
I came to realize that the only way to get to the good part was to fall. I had to let go of the platform, of safety, and fall so that I could enjoy the rest of the ride. Once I did, I felt such a relief. I lowered myself to the ground and I felt such elation for having done something that scared me so much.
Such is life.
Sometimes we have to let go, and fall. We have to forget the "what-ifs" and trust that the rope will catch us.
It is scary putting trust in something outside of yourself. Hoping that you can rely on something or somebody else to catch you.
But falling is something we have to do. If we don't fall we will never enjoy the ride.
